A Word from the Director
Layne Gregory

My youngest son, who just graduated from high school, has been telling me for the last five years or so that there is no homophobia in his school. No only that, he assures me when he and his friends call each other "fag" or label someone else with that epithet "nobody cares" and "no one takes it seriously". "It’s just a word that everyone uses Mom; it is no big deal." Unfortunately, it is a big deal. The word "fag" and other ubiquitous sexist terminology such as "bitch" and "whore" and "slut", are the bars and barbed wire young people (and adults) use to keep boys and girls in what Dr. William Pollack refers to as a "gender straight jacket". This straight jacket for boys teaches them to suppress their gentle, caring, empathic dimensions, thoughts and experiences - generally anything which makes them seem vulnerable. Instead they are taught to only show a tough, heroic action-oriented side, physical prowess, anger, or rage. Ultimately, this affects boys’ ability to connect with others. And, ultimately the gender straight jacket is connected to homophobia. Boys police one another’s behavior, keeping anything associated with maleness far away from anything that could remotely be identified with being female (and thus gay). Homophobia impacts our and our children’s lives in so many covert and overt ways.

What is more, although straight, gay and lesbian teenagers try to save face by saying that sexist barbs such as the above are unlike sticks and stones, "…names that will never hurt them", we at Boys to Men have heard otherwise in our many focus groups over the years.  Boys tell us that sexist names actually do hurt feelings, create scars and ultimately control what teens see as appropriate and inappropriate behavior and attitudes displayed by the same and the opposite sex. An educator at a workshop I was running in Camden asked the other day "why do we keep on colluding with these stereotypes and this homophobia by labeling behaviors as either male or female? Why can’t we just call caring, empathy and gentleness ‘human traits’ rather than female traits?" His question was right on. When can we?

In this issue we will be exploring dimensions and experiences of homophobia, or "sexual prejudice" as many gender experts prefer to call it. We have compiled resources, essays and an interview with the author of Dude You’re a Fag and more. Please feel free to email us back with any comments or questions. 

Thank you and happy New Year,

Layne Gregory
Executive Director

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Life with the Box
By Michael Wilson

We were in the "Man Box," my first workshop on masculinity.  I was facilitating, savoring the challenge of synthesis and the mounting trust and imagination in the room.  I grinned when the cross-country team got personal.  Out in the woods, a runner reported, the captain told the team it was time to "man up": they all had to duel on this log bridge, no exceptions.  The reporter explained he didn't want to, the log was dangerous, but there was no stopping.  It was "man up"" or...the end.  In terms of the workshop, he was struggling with the man box, the cardboard house of roles that men must perform—such as toughness—in order to hold on to friends. 

Another teammate said the pressure couldn't have been that bad.  The first insisted, yes, it was that bad, the captain was intense, and you weren't there.  The air was charged.  "You boys are starting to scare me," a woman interrupted, "my two year old plays with dolls.  With what you're saying, I'm having second thoughts about letting him."  We all laughed, or sighed.  She'd pulled us back from the rigid expectations of the cross-country trail, into a world with broader possibilities for being a man.  "Yeah, no, you really shouldn't let him play with them," another runner said with concern. "It's going to make it hard for him when he's our age."  

I flushed with anger.  Concern notwithstanding, the runner had told the mother to tweak the child's imagination to keep the box shut.  "Okay, we need to stop and take a look from the outside at what's going on in here," I said, for the first time breaking the flow of the conversation.  "This mother of a two year old talked about raising her son outside of the man box.  Then one of us pulled her back in.  If we're building something together, there's no room for that."  

Another runner insisted. "People will call him gay." 

My stomach dropped at this second intervention.  I'd suffered that warning from grades seven through twelve.  Again, I didn't know how to respond in the flow of conversation.  I didn't feel safe.  I told everyone to stop, and then I talked about how homophobia keeps the box shut too.  This is true, but trust dissolved and people took sides: one side defended manning up, the other side defended the child.  The debate was mediocre, and we'd stopped weaving a new masculinity together.  

On a feedback form, one of the attendees from the man up side wrote, "You're obviously a man who's in touch with his emotions.  But that makes it hard for you to accept the rest of us.  Consider being more open-minded."  Weeks later, I interrogate the anger of mine that snapped the trust and closed us off from each other.  I find disgust.  Below the disgust, I remember desire. I long for that boy to live in a world he doesn't have to pretend for.

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Doll or Action Figure?
By Andrew K. R. Jones

I’m in Boston, standing outside a large toy store.  The revolving doors and bright colors that can be seen behind them are inviting and almost seem to say, come in and play!  I admit it, I’m there to buy a toy for myself.  I’m excited and feel like a kid again as I walk through the doors.

As soon as I step inside, I’m greeted with a blatant choice.  I look down at the floor and see it is split into two colors, pink and blue.  The left side, led downstairs with a big Barbie sign visible, sparkling with lights.  And the right side, led upstairs under a Hot Wheels sign, backlit with animated flames.  Both iconic toy brands, and both thanks to Mattel.  I just stand there, thinking to myself, Where is my toy?  Where would it belong?   Obviously looking a little confused, a sales clerk, dressed in a brightly colored uniform complete with a propeller beanie hat, asked in a bubbly voice, "Can I help you?"  "Yes, I’m looking for the My Firefighter doll," I replied.  Dropping the bubbly voice and taking a more serious tone (in my imagination, the propeller on his beanie stopped spinning) the clerk asked, "Is it a doll or an action figure ?"  Taken aback a bit at the seeming importance of this question, I stuttered, "Umm, I guess an action figure?"  His propeller started spinning again, a smile returned to his face, "You want to go upstairs," the returned bubbly voice was accompanied by a hand proudly pointing past the Hot Wheels sign.  Walking among giant dinosaurs and Tonka trucks, I found another clerk and said, "Excuse me, I’m looking for the My Firefighter, um, action figure," feeling that tone in my throat that tells yourself, did I say that right?   I was lead to a display of boxes and there he was, all handsome in his firefighting gear, with the chiseled face of a hero!

After making my purchase, that childhood excitement returned with that familiar sense of having a new toy, but it was mixed with a feeling of disgust.  Disgust that we live in a world where kids are told they need make a choice.  Pink or blue.  Barbies or Hot Wheels.  Down or up.  Left or right.  Weak or strong.  Without or with power.

Ok, so maybe I’m reading a bit too much into it, but maybe not.  The majority of homophobia in our mainstreamed society is really based on how an individual expresses their gender.  Most initial judgments on whether someone is gay or lesbian, is based on things like how they act, what they do or how they dress.  Homophobia affects everyone, gay or straight.  "I can’t play with that."  "I can’t take that class." "I can’t do that job."  "I can’t say they’re good looking." "I can’t wear that." "I can’t hold their hand."  These are voices many of us have in our heads everyday, no matter who we are.

And then there’s that question of power.  Ah yes, it is still a man’s world.  More specifically, it is still a masculine world.  When it comes to gender expression, there seems to be somewhat more acceptance of girls acting masculine than guys acting feminine.  Is it ok for a girl to wear jeans or overalls?  Yes.  Is it ok for a guy to wear a skirt, or even just pink or purple?  Again, not even bringing gay or straight into it.  Girls that want to grow up to be doctors or be in law enforcement are often celebrated as being strong and courageous.  Boys that want to grow up to be florists or ballet dancers are often marked as being weak or sissies.

I am by no means saying that women have it easy.  Many of them still have to work twice as hard to get the same recognition as a man.  But I do feel they have more freedom to express their gender.  I remember a popular clothing brand advertising "Boy Cut Jeans" for girls.  Think they’d ever come out with girl cut jeans for boys?  No, they wouldn’t sell.  It really comes down to the message of mainstream culture associating masculinity with power and anyone who doesn’t want to strive towards that, is giving up that power.  And why would anyone want to give up power?

Why isn’t femininity or non-masculinity seen as a power?  An even better question would be what is masculinity or femininity and does it really matter?  And by no means do I want to say gay men have it easy, but I do believe some of them are privileged over straight men in that they have more freedom to express their gender.  Women and gay men shouldn’t be the only ones allowed to have this freedom.  Again, homophobia affects us all.

The world is changing slowly, there is hope.  One day perhaps masculine and feminine will only be words and not attached to jobs, clothes or toys.  Maybe one day a kid will be able to walk into a toy store and not feel confused or pressured as to which part of the store they are supposed to go in.  And it won’t matter who they love, regardless of their gender.  A toy won’t be for a boy or girl, a toy will be for a kid… Or maybe an adult too.  I love my firefighter doll.

Andrew K.R. Jones has worked with non-profit GLBTQA youth-support organizations, including Outright and PRYSM, for over 6 years.  His work has included educating regionally and nationally on issues of homophobia and has presented workshops at Boys to Men conferences. He can be reached at andrewebrat@hotmail.com .

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Interview with CJ Pascoe
By Meghann McCluskey

CJ Pascoe is a California-based sociobiologist whose areas of focus include gender, sexuality, inequality, youth and new media. Her most recent book, Dude, You're a Fag, explores the formation of masculine sexuality among high school boys. Pascoe spoke with Boys to Men via telephone in early November.

CP: It is, but there are things that can be done. California has taken great measures in recent years that can be modeled by other states. The Gay Straight Alliance is based in California, so lots of schools have GSA groups that meet weekly. This is huge in my opinion, because it means that at least once a week the entire student body is exposed to the word "gay" outside of it’s frequently negative context. Also, in 2001 California passed the Safe Schools and Violence Prevention Act which legally protects gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (GLBT) students from discrimination. Unfortunately, many teachers aren’t even aware that the law exists, so they aren’t always helpful. Another thing that schools can do is hire members of the GLBT community to come and speak to students. Research has shown that adolescent boys are less likely to continue to use the word "fag" or espouse other homophobic opinions after they have heard a gay man speak about his experiences

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Masculinities and Homophobia: An Annotated Bibliography
By Meghann McCluskey

D’Emilio, John.  The World Turned: Essays on Gay History, Politics, and Culture.  Duke University Press, 2002. 

The U.S. American gay rights movement has a long and fascinating history that remains regrettably unexplored by the mainstream U.S. media and unmentioned in public school textbooks. John D’Emilio’s work exhaustively explores this important piece of this past, and The World Turned serves as an engaging and poignant tool for those hoping to learn more about America’s various LGBTQA* movements. D’Emilio is a professor of History and Women’s and Gender Studies at the University of Illinois at Chicago, and yet this concise collection of essays is a completely accessible read marked not by complex theory but by well-researched, insightful glimpses into the evolution of gay America.

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.  http://thetaskforce.org/.  ONLINE 21 November 2007.

The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force website houses an abundance of critical information on scores of issues currently affecting GLBTQA communities nationwide. From aging to elections, economic justice to HIV/AIDS, thetaskforce.org supplies impressively current data intended to inform and empower readers. Check out the Reports and Research section for fascinating figures on connections between LGBT youth and homelessness, homophobia experienced by Asian and Pacific Islander members of the LGBT community, adoption rights for LGBT couples, and more.  Sign up to receive periodic "action alerts" and have up-to-date information about GLBTQA rights and current events delivered to your inbox.  

National Organization for Women. "Come Out Against Homophobia: Statistics."             http://www.now.org/issues/lgbi/stats.html. ONLINE.  21 November 2007.

Did you know that, in 1993, "85% of teachers oppose[d] integrating lesbian, gay and bisexual themes in their curricula"? Or how about that in the late eighties "42% of homeless youth identif[ied] as lesbian, gay or bisexual"? The National Organization for Women (NOW) has collected this succinct list of homophobia statistics to illustrate the powerful anti-gay biases that permeate countless facets of U.S. American culture.   

Pascoe, C.J.  Dude You’re a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School. University of    California Press, 2007. 

C.J. Pascoe didn’t intend to write a book about the prevalence of the word fag among high school boys, but when she arrived at a northern California high school to begin eighteen months of field work on youth masculinity she was absolutely astounded by how often the pejorative term was used. Dude You’re a Fag explores the pervasiveness of the word "fag" as a typical component of adolescent manifestations of masculinity. More than a mere derogatory remark, "fag" is a means of warding off possible accusations of feminine expression and/or homosexuality that contributes to the rampant sexism and homophobia present in the United States.

 * LGBTQA is one of many appropriate abbreviations used to describe individuals who identify as either lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, or as an ally of any of the before mentioned identities. It is also commonly written as GLBT or LGBT, and sometimes it includes an "I" to represent individuals who identify as intersexed.