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In September of 2004, we took the
opportunity to interview Dr. Michael Kimmel while he was
visiting Maine to speak at a conference in Waterville.
Dr. Kimmel is a sociologist, a faculty member of Stony
Brook University in New York and an author who has received
international recognition for his work on men and masculinity.
We asked him a few questions about what it means to be male
today, including:
- What is the best thing about
growing up male?
- Please define what makes "a
successful man".
- What are the challenges
you see for young men growing up
today?
Click to
read what he has to say...>
Donate Now to Boys to
Men!
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A Word from the Executive
Director
Hello and
welcome to the second Boys to Men Quarterly Newsletter. This
month we are paying special attention to being a mentor and
the various ways mentoring can influence the lives of young
people. Mentoring takes many forms and almost anyone can
be a mentor or receive mentoring from someone else. The
American Heritage Dictionary defines a mentor as "...a trusted
counselor or teacher to (another person)". Although many
people think of a mentor as someone who functions as an
advisor, mentoring really means much more. It means being in a
relationship with someone who sincerely cares about and
understands the person they are mentoring. Mentoring is
generally a structured and trusting relationship that brings
young people together with caring individuals who offer
guidance, support and encouragement aimed at developing the
competence and character of the mentee (the person receiving
the mentoring). The Search Institute (www.search-institute.org )
reports that all young people need to have caring
relationships with three or more non-parent adults. Yet, when
asked, only about 43% of adolescents in Maine, and
nation-wide, report having these sorts of relationships in
their lives. We all have opportunities to be those caring
adults. These opportunities are all around us. We can care as
neighbors, teachers, coaches, aunts and uncles, camp
counselors, as friends or in many other
ways.
In this issue, we will
feature two essays by young men about mentoring: one focuses
on being a mentor to a young boy and the other is about an
important relationship with a grandfather. We will also list a
number of mentoring resources throughout the state and
highlight some great programs coming up this spring for boys
and their adult mentors/fathers.
If you have a
mentoring experience you would like to tell us about, please
email us at boystomen@maine.rr.com.
Thanks and take
care,
Layne Gregory, LCSW
Executive Director
Boys to
Men
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A Guy's Perspective: The Value of a Moral
Life
Throughout my life one person has
inspired me, my grandfather, Joel Boyden. He graduated from
the University of Michigan where he played football and
studied law. Later in his life, he became disillusioned
with the large law firm where he was working and started his
own. He was elected president of the Michigan State Bar
Association and the Rotary Club. He died in
1999.
More important than his academic and professional
distinctions were his moral characteristics. He
was dedicated to serving others and raising his children with
the appropriate values. The last part of his law
career was committed to advocating for local farmers whose
livestock was injured by underground power lines. He
taught me many lessons and taught my mother many more, which
she has passed onto me.
I was eleven years old when he
taught me how to do something that may seem very simple, how
to shake hands. He taught me to always make eye contact
and to get a firm grip but not to crush anyone's hand.
It is important to respect others, even if one has just met
them. Respect for other people is a virtue that is
diminishing in today's society. Too many people are
self-centered and merely use others to further their own
ambitions. One should develop real relationships with
people and be willing to help others when they need it, even
at one's own expense. This is a lesson I will remember
all my life.
The best example of morality he gave to me
was at his funeral. The church, for the funeral, could
not accommodate all the people that came to pay their last
respects. They had to fill an auxiliary room in the
church with people who watched the funeral on a television
screen. His kindness, generosity, sense of humor, and
passion touched many people's lives in a unique way. A
person's success in life should not be measured by wealth or
status, but rather through how one benefits one's fellow human
beings. This has been and will continue to be the focus
of my education.
The value of a moral life is that it
is the key to happiness. When a person develops true
friendships with people, is kind and respectful, fights for
justice, and is willing to help others one is able to live
happily. The goal for all people should be to live
morally and to be happy. This is the legacy my
grandfather taught me.
Jakob Loukas,
Senior
Cheverus High School
Portland,
Maine
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Mentoring Info
There
are many mentoring programs located throughout Maine.
They come in all shapes and sizes. Some focus on youth
mentoring youth, some on after school reading and academic
support. Many mentoring programs match adults with children
who have physical and mental disabilities. Many colleges
sponsor their students to connect with children in
kindergarten through twelfth grades. And a large number
match "at-risk" youth with adult mentors for tutoring
purposes, learning life skills, and recreational
activities. Due to limited space, we will list just a
few mentoring programs in York and Cumberland counties. Please
check out the web address at the bottom of the page for a web
site that will connect you to mentoring programs throughout
Maine.
CUMBERLAND COUNTY
Community Mentoring
29
Baxter Blvd or PO Box 9300
Portland, ME 04102
Contact:
Rebecca Wertheimer
Tel: 780-5836
Email: rwerthei@usm.maine.edu
Fax: 228-8406
http://www.communitymentoring.org
Serving Cumberland and York Counties, youth in
foster care ages 14-21. Mentors serve as a friend, role
model, and a link to the community.
Escapade Mentors
Cape Elizabeth School
Dept.
12 Scott Dyer Rd.
Cape Elizabeth, ME
04107
Tel: 799-7339 x344
Contact: Gail
Schmader
Email: gail_schmader@cape.k12.me.us
Program website: www.cape.k12.me.us
Escapade Mentors provides Cape Elizabeth
students assistance to successfully participate in
after-school and community activities by matching the students
with adult mentors.
Greater Portland Big Brothers Big Sisters
195
Lancaster Street
Portland, ME 04101
Tel:
113-KIDS
Contact: Sam Beal
Email: sbeal@greaterportlandbbbs.org
Web: www.greaterprotlandbbbs.org
At-risk children (ages 7-14 from Cumberland and
York counties) are paired with a adult mentors for life skills
and recreational activities.
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The Great Girl Mystery
Did you ever think,
"Why did she do that? Girls are so weird! I will never
understand them?" If that sounds like you then you're in luck
because we have here three incredibly intelligent girls who
decided that they would try to help clear up some of the Great
Girl Mystery. Sarah, Dani and Hamdi are poised at their
keyboards ready to answer any questions that might be best
answered by a young lass.
Basically, we are here
to give you a different perspective and chance to hear a few
female opinions that won't snicker at you in the hallways. So
take a chance and send us that question that has been banging
around in your brain. It's probably easier than asking your
mother.
Question: Why do girls like
to shop so much?
Dani,
grade 12 from Freeport, answers:
First off, let's
be clear. Not every girl likes shopping. Just as
not every guy obsesses over Xbox and cars, there exist a good
many girls who find shopping just as painful as playing video
games for three hours. But the question is valid, as it
remains a known fact that a large number of girls do like
shopping. As one of the afore mentioned group who does
not spend my weekends at the mall, I can only speculate, but I
will do my best.
First, one must ask
what people find enjoyable about shopping. Obviously,
everyone likes getting new stuff, whether it be clothes, CDs
or video games. And then there is the social
factor. Girls don't often go to the mall alone; they go
with a gaggle of girls. Which is more fun: hanging out
at the boring house, or out and about getting new stuff and
meeting people? Basically, it's just a different way of
socializing. Vice City or Circuit City, the same desire
for hanging out with friends is met.
Sarah,
grade 11 from Portland, answers:
Personally, I
don't enjoy the shopping itself. I dislike it because of
society's pressure on girls to be thin, blonde, and beautiful.
While I might be beautiful, I am neither thin nor blonde.
However, when you don't have a car and rely on your parents
for transportation, there are not many places to go in Maine,
hence we wind up at the mall. Unfortunately, my friends insist
on shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch or any of the other
stores in the mall where a pair of ripped jeans cost $60 and
they only have sizes 0, 1, and 2. I can't fit into those
sizes, so I sometimes feel self conscious when they are all
trying on outfits while I just comment on how pretty the
clothes are, or how great my friends look. But spending time
with my friends is worth what little discomfort I might feel.
Most girls enjoy shopping because we can do it with all of our
friends and feel great when we find a stunning outfit. It is
not necessarily the activity of shopping itself that we enjoy,
it is the
opportunity to talk and hang out with our
friends.
Hamdi,
grade 11 from Portland, answers:
Hi Boys, Girls
like to shop because they like looking good and buying new
things can make many people feel positive about themselves. I
think shopping gives girls a chance to have "ME TIME" and
indulge in the latest fashions. Getting a really cool pair of
jeans can make a girl feel really sensational and alive. I
personally don't like
being in and out of dressing rooms
for hours trying on different clothes... until I find that
perfect blouse that fits just right, that can certainly make
up for the long hunt. So boys, even though it is sometimes
rough being your mother, sister or girlfriend's
handyman-holding her bags while she drags you from store to
store- I suggest that you put up with it because you don't
know what rewards will come of the good mood the women in your
life will be feeling from the pure pleasure of shopping.
EMAIL US
WITH YOUR QUESTIONS: boystomen@maine.rr.com
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Upcoming Workshops
Every year the Boys to Men Conference has offered more
than 40 workshops on topics of interest to boys, their dads,
and other adult mentors. Now, for the first time, we're
providing a chance for boys and adults to explore some of our
most popular topics in greater depth over several
sessions.
Guitar
Making
Instructor: Phil Divinsky, Musician and
Educator
Build your own electric
guitar. In this workshop, we will be putting together a
"Stratocaster" style electric guitar from a kit. Learn
how to set the neck, wire and solder electronics and perform a
basic setup on guitars. We will also look at options you
have for building more advanced guitars in the future.
Not only will it be fun, but you'll have an electric guitar to
play when we're done! This workshop is open to 10 boys
and their fathers or adult mentors. Each pair will work
on one guitar as a team.
Space limited to 10
pairs.
Fee: $35.00 for entire course.
Sessions will be
held at PATHS (196 Allen Ave.) in Portland.
Thursday
Evenings, 6:30pm to 8pm.
March 3rd, 10th, 17th, 24th, and
31st.
Register now by going to our website.
Cartooning
Instructor: Lincoln Pierce
"I can't draw very well" is NOT an acceptable excuse for
bypassing this workshop! You don't need to draw well to
love comics of all kinds and to appreciate the impact they
have on our everyday lives. Participants in this
workshop will discover that they know far more about the
visual and narrative vocabulary of comics than they
realized. We will use a variety of drawing games and
group collaborations to help participants create their own
characters and stories. Whatever your taste in comics,
the emphasis of this workshop is self-expression, creativity,
and fun.
Space limited to 20 participants.
Fee: $35.00 for entire course.
Sessions will be held
at USM Campus Center C (please note on 3/8 session will be in
campus center A) Portland.
Tuesday Evenings, 6:30pm to
8pm.
March 1st,8th, 15th and 22nd.
Register now by going
to our website.
Italian
Cooking
Instructor: Doug Armstrong, Chef
Instructor, Portland Arts and Technology High
School
From Pizza to Chicken Parmesan, this
interactive and edible workshop will explore the ins and outs
of some of Italy's finest culinary contributions. This
four-session training will take you through the step-by-step
process of putting together four simple but delicious Italian
dinners. Come ready to get your hands dirty and to eat
your own creations.
Space limited to 14 participants.
Fee: $35.00 for entire course.
Sessions will be held
at PATHS Cooking School (196 Allen Ave.) in
Portland.
Thursday Evenings, 5pm to 7:30pm
March 3rd,
10th, 17th, and 31st.
Register now by going to our
website.
More to
come! Check the Boys to Men website for upcoming
details!
Audience: These winter-spring workshops are designed
for middle and high school boys, their fathers and adult
mentors. Since a goal of these workshops is for boys and
adults to spend time together, it is preferred that a boy and
adult enroll together.
Scholarships are available for
all workshops.
Call 774-9994 for more
information.
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An Interview with Michael
Kimmel
In September of 2004, we took the
opportunity to interview Dr. Michael Kimmel while he was
visiting Maine to speak at a conference in Waterville. Dr.
Kimmel is a sociologist, a faculty member of Stony Brook
University in New York and an author who has received
international recognition for his work on men and masculinity.
We asked him a few questions about what it means to be male
today.
Question: What is
the best thing about growing up male?
Answer: When I was growing up books had a major
influence on me. I was also very lucky to be in a family where
women worked outside the home. My father was very caring and
nurturing. Women could have careers, men could raise
kids.
I grew up in a time when I was
exposed to the book Profiles of Courage by John F. Kennedy. In
it were profiles of men who did the right thing even when they
stood to lose something. These men would stand up for what is
right. Women did this too. To me, as a kid, this is what it
meant to be a man. It's about being ethical; doing what's
right.
Question: Please define
what makes "a successful man".
Answer: Strong enough to explore his feelings,
courageous enough to be compassionate, powerful enough to
empower others, secure enough to make the world safe and smart
enough to change his mind.
Question: What are the
challenges you see for young men growing up
today?
Answer: They feel so
alone. If they feel anything different, anything outside the
box, they have no one to talk with about it. They can't talk
to their friends- they run the risk of being isolated by them.
If we can give boys a way to feel safe and comfortable to talk
about feeling alone then we could help change the situation
for boys. They are desperate to talk about
this.
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