My Somali culture and my religion are bound
together as one. If I were living in Somalia, my Islamic
religion would govern every aspect of my life. That’s not a
bad thing, in fact, I’m working towards that; it’s something
my being wants. Living in America has blurred the line between
my tradition and my faith. I feel a split growing between
my culture and my religion. When I was little they were
together, as I grow, I feel them coming apart, and I don’t
want that. It is like the fault line under the earth.
Geologists know where fault lines are, but they are not sure
when an earthquake will occur and cause the ground to split
apart. The fault lines are fast, vicious and unexpected. The
fault line of my life is having two different cultures, Somali
and American and a religion that is opposite of most of
American culture. Sometimes I do not know where to stand and I
do not want to fall
through the crack.
In my culture how to be a man is very
clear. For my grandfather in Somalia it was work hard as
a sheepherder, read the Koran, provide food for the family,
make money by toting heavy loads of rice into town. For
my father it was also working as a sheepherder in his early
childhood, but at 8 or 9 when his father died, he needed to
feed his little brother and himself. He was responsible and
made money and eventually with the help of his sisters got his
education. I will never be the man my dad
is because I
never experienced hunger. I have two parents and many
siblings. At 18, he was a man. At 18 I am only half the
man my father was.
I don’t have a job. I live with my
mother and
father.
2006 Boys to Men
Conference
They feed me. The only thing I do to
take care of
myself is the laundry, clean my room, and
sometimes, only sometimes, I make myself noodles and bake
cake. This is not being a Somalian man.
But I am not just a Somalian man. Already
two-thirds of my life has been spent in America. I cannot help
but being influenced by American culture. I see other boys my
age partying, drinking, and fooling around. Part of me wants
to join them, but being Muslim I feel I shouldn’t. I do not
want to disgrace my family; I do not want that sin written
against me. It is confusing living between my two
cultures and my religion and I often feel out of balance. My
religion keeps me anchored, and I don’t want to have to be on
either side of that fault line. I also do not want to
fall in. Being a man now means I’ve got a beard, I’ve got
the girls and I take risks. I am getting closer to that
point where I will take on responsibility and along the way, I
need to focus on maintaining my ground. I need to keep the
best parts of my homeland and adopt the best parts of my new
land. If I can somehow bring these two good parts of my life
together and make them one, I will have a better sense what is
to be a Somalian.
Kahiye Hassan
11th Grade
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Sitting at my desk and looking out at the bare
trees in my backyard, I cannot help but remind myself that the
view outside my window looks very different than the one I
used to see when I was a child growing up in India. Growing up in Southern India
and then living in three other countries
as an adult makes me appreciate the little things that are
unique to home- colors, shapes, names, textures, textiles,
customs, traditions, rituals. These images and experiences
from “back home” are still as fresh as last
night’s dream. Even as I live so far away from my primary
culture, I still carry that identity and experience all the
time. I can say the same about the other cultures I have
become intimate with over the recent years. I now have a
unique perspective on being a man in different cultures. I
smile as I try to find a place to start my multi-cultural
story, as it is complicated yet
very simple.
I grew up in a traditional Protestant Christian South-Asian family as the
only male child with two older sisters. I purposefully start
by telling you that. Not only because that plays out quite
prominently in my life but because I tried very hard to break
away from the “norms” that were built by a male dominated
structure- evolving into centuries of Indian culture.
My experience as both a member of a
majority and a minority has opened my eyes in advantageous
ways. As a man, I have experienced special rights simply
because of my gender. This privilege occurs in the east
and in the west, although it is more
subtle in the west. I wish I could say it does not exist here,
or, even better, that it is quickly disappearing in the east,
but I can not. I struggle against this in many ways. I have
come to realize that acknowledging it and trying always to
maintain an awareness of it helps me to have more empathy for
others. Breaking away from male privilege is hard, if at all
possible. Fighting it can bring ridicule and a tendency
to be marginalized by other
men.
Boat Building
Workshop
Another form of privilege I experience everyday in the west is
my Christian majority status. In India, I belonged to a
religious minority. Although
India is the most secular
place I’ve lived, the plight of religious minority members there is quite difficult.
Today, in the United States
, I belong to the religious majority and I
cannot help thinking about the many ways the religious
minority here has to adapt. Religious and ethnic minority
members must accommodate to the majority and constantly
compromise their faith traditions. I see this everyday with
friends who are Muslims, co-workers who are Jewish and
neighbors who are Buddhists.
I have learned to
follow my heart and this has made it easier for me to adapt to
new cultures and environments without really giving up my
primary identity and culture. I learned to cook at a very
young age in spite of having very nurturing maids who cooked
par excellence and sisters who were constantly being
trained and encouraged in the kitchen. I, on the other hand,
wasn’t encouraged like my sisters. So, I simply followed my
heart and taught myself to cook. Today it has become an
important part of who I am. I believe that food brings people
together, builds relationships and builds one’s community. For
an immigrant like me, it is this relational community that
plays a vital role in my
life.
I have grown to enjoy how different the west is
from the east. Having lived in a variety of cultures, I strive
to look at both sides of the coin and approach the differences
with a deep sense of appreciation. As a man, I have learned to
follow my heart and my conscience as I navigate the American
culture. I am aware of the paradox of being a member of the
privileged majority and, at the same time, a member of a
less-empowered minority. There are days when I am conscious of
shifting from majority to the minority and back again,
multiple times. After a while, one seems to get a handle on it
and it isn’t so difficult or complicated any more. Just like
cooking.
One might need to watch an Indian cook a few
times before truly understanding the patterns, the measures
and the recipes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone at home
cook with measuring cups or spoons! If you can pinch or dust
or sprinkle or simply drop by the handful…you can cook! But
then, shouldn’t cooking be that simple? There are so many
flavors to use and ways to create a culinary masterpiece.
Shouldn’t living in a culturally diverse world be just as
trouble-free? If only it was as uncomplicated as it
sounds!
Noël Bonam B.Sc., M.P.M.
Director
Office of Multicultural
Affairs
State of
Maine
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"From Where I Stand"
Parents in America are struggling with
the question of when they should consider their son a man or
their daughter a woman. In America, when teenage children make
wrong decisions, like drinking alcohol, doing drugs and
dropping out from school, adults become concerned. These
parents have never had to deal with such issues. Every
American teenager is meant to be trusted and is expected to do
great things. Parents are not used to enforcing rules for
teenagers to show that they really care. When an adult knows a
teenager is making wrong choices, they tend to leave the
teenager alone, because no adult wants to challenge a
teenager. Parents respect their teenager’s wishes. Yet,
teenagers of this society are not independent or mature. They
expect their parents to do everything for them. If teenagers
are raised to not have any responsibilities, they usually grow
up to be unsuccessful in life. Teenagers are freer and are
likely to cry about things they cannot do. Teenagers are
less mature and society accepts that fact. If only society did
not believe in such a system, every teenager would probably be
responsible and mature. Teenagers and adults play a big role
in the formation of their own society.
I grew up in small community in southern
Sudan that consisted of ten or more tiny homes made out of
logs. Some homes had two families or more living in them, and
in every home, there was a male who took care of the family.
For my family, I was the male who was responsible to wake
every morning before everyone else to get water from a
downstream river. This walk of five miles was a good long
walk; equivalent to walking from Portland City Hall to the
Maine Mall. When I returned, I had to water the corn; pick up
all vegetables from the farm; and make sure there was bath
water for my family. When ever a guest arrived, I was the one
who greeted them and made sure they had received something to
drink or eat. When night came, my father would remind me to
get the firewood by “spitting on the ground“. The rule was if
the spit dried before I brought in the fire wood he would beat
me until one of my elders said, “stop”. It was a lesson on
never forgetting your task. I also was responsible for
collecting the firewood and starting the fire, before everyone
came together to discuss issues. I was the one who went to
sleep after everyone else and I was the one who checked if
there was anybody missing.
In Yambio, Sudan, no one is called a
teenager. When a person is born, people approach him or her as
little cute babies. After few years when the baby turns six or
seven years old, he has to learn to farm, hunt, and build a
small house made out of logs. Everyday he must train himself
in every way of life in order to know how to be a man with a
family. He must learn to get 
water from the river ten miles
away from the village and prepare the water in which the
eldest will bathe. He must collect all the vegetables in the
field to feed his family. Every season, an elder comes and
gives him advice on how he can grow corn faster. After the boy
is 12 years old, it is determined by one of the elders in the
tribe if he has grown to be a man who can be on his own, raise
a family and care for a beautiful wife. After he is selected,
he is sent with his chosen wife 70 miles away from the village
to start a life of their own and not return until his wife is
pregnant. Then they can return to the village for her to give
birth.
Boat
Building Workshop
Jackson M.
Benjamin
Age
17
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A Man from My
Culture
When I define myself as a man from my culture, I am first a Ghanaian and
secondly a Hausa. Hausa is my family's tribe. We are mostly Muslim. Our
ancestors migrated from Nigeria and our population in Ghana is small. So my
traditions are Hausa traditions but my culture for many generations is
Ghanaian.
Being a man in my culture means many things, it means I have a strong work
ethic and that regardless of what I do for a living, the quality of my work
and the attention to my work is 100% or more. My honor and reputation is in
my job well done. Being a man in my culture means that no matter how much I
like or dislike my job, I don't complain. I don't complain if my boss is
not a nice person or a fair person. I don't complain if I don't get along
with my co-workers. I don't complain if the task is too hard or the hours
are too long. I do my job because my family relies on me to meet my
responsibilities. I carry the primary financial responsibility for my
family and many times this extends beyond my wife/wives and children, this
can include my parents, my grandparents, sisters, female cousins etc. and
also the members of my
wife's family.
Being a man in my culture means I
don't bring my wife my burdens. I
don't complain to her. I don't share
my worries with her. I don't raise
unnecessary conflict with her. I
respect the work she does in caring
for our family and in maintaining our
home. I understand that my wife is
the center of our home and that I am
the leader of our family, that my
leadership relies heavily on her
support. I do not complain about my
wife to friends or family or talk
Fly Tying Workshop about our marriage or our family in
a negative manner. I am allowed to
seek advice from elders (not peers) on how to handle my concerns with my
wife or family.
A man in my culture cries discreetly both in public and at home. I am not
supposed to show my "weakness" to my family or my community.
I am not a friend to my children. I am not too kind or too generous to my
children. I am a fair man and I am responsible for disciplining my children
because it is my responsibility to prepare them for the world that is
beyond my home. I am treated with the utmost respect by my children not
because I have earned it but simply because I am their father. I act
sparingly with my hugs & kisses with my children. It is my wife's
responsibility to physically nurture the children. I do not apologize to my
children even if I understand that I am wrong. I do not explain myself to
my children and I never tolerate a child arguing with me or talking back to
me. I can also act as a father to all the children in my neighborhood,
whether we are related or not and I am expected to treat them like my own.
In my society our "family" does not stop with our bloodline. My home is
always open to those in need and I am expected to always act like a
gentleman.
I am expected to not only teach my children my culture, traditions and
religion but also make sure they have the best education or trade that will
help them to raise their own children.
I am always a child in the presence of my own parents and my elders,
regardless of my age, accomplishments or success. It is my responsibility
to understand and participate actively in the politics of my tribe,
village, town and country. I am also a life-long ambassador of my family,
community and culture. Lineage and tradition are very important in my
culture. Everyday I have a responsibility to cherish and honor our
traditions and lineage. When I travel abroad it is my responsibility to
understand and adjust to my new culture but always represent myself as a
Ghanaian and remember that I am always representing Ghana.
Pious Ali
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observed that the
library staff appeared to be at
